Talking with my hairdresser the other day, and we go onto the subject of healthy lifestyles after 45.  She’s recently given up coffee, chocolate, and wine!   Yes seriously!   I know some people who would sooner give up lipstick than quit all three of those vices.  However, I then joked with her about…  “but you’re still having sex though right?”  She looked at me and laughed, and said, “hell yes, I’m not about to start playing around with my health in that way!”

Yes, for some of us, we’re wired that way.  Hormones are just busy old soldiers, making sure that we’re aware of our bits in ways that make it hard to concentrate if not scratched from time to time.

How often depends on a number of things, such as being single or part of a couple, and therefore availability, not to mention the libido levels of both partners.    Studies have shown that for some people the wiring is different, and sex is of significantly low or no interest, compared to those of us who believe it’s a necessary part of our lives.

Without sex, do we still have a fair chance of intimacy?

Without love-making first, how well do we engage with each other’s minds to have those poignant, deep, loving conversations about important things.  Some of those important things are simply talking about how we feel about each other – not what the kids are doing, or if we should take note of what ‘Bob and Jenny’ are going through with her parents.  Sometimes we just need to identify the beauty that is ‘us’ and talk about that… just that.

Photo by Oziel Gómez on UnsplashIf we refrain from regular sexual engagement with someone – anyone – because this also applies to those of us who are single – then do we lose the ability to feel a full range of normal emotions?  What it is to be held, stroked, hugged, and to rest in those moments is a normal part of life.  When doing that with a member of the opposite sex we are also attracted to, this can and often would lead to more stroking, caressing, and nurturing, loving holding.   This is why being able to do this with the person you’re already having a sexual relationship with is easier than if you’re single, and trying to get a level of physical intimacy you may need for what ever reason on any given day or night.  It just makes it better when you can, and do, take it to the limits and engage in totally giving yourself to each other as part of that physical nurturing time.

Love making is not about what we do, it’s about a space we choose to enter.   It’s about opening ourselves up to, and making time for it, the ability to do exactly that – physically nurture each other through what ever is going on at the time. Whether it’s a hard day, illness, death of a loved one, bad news, or even on the other side of that a lot of great news, sharing it with physical touch is a natural thing to do. Why do we refrain, or hold back?

How does that actually serve us?

For the sake of our mental and emotional health, we need to remember that touch is important. Without it we shut down, and that eventually will affect us physically too.

Are you nurturing the intimacy aspect of your relationship with regular physical nurturing? 

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