You start out with a wizard or angels, or God – whoever you may subscribe to personally – assuring you that whatever you want in life you can have. you just have to pray for it, or cast a spell, or practice daily gratitude. That’s a deliciously simple formula. First however, you need to know exactly what it looks like. What you want, how does it look, feel, function. And if you get part way along the journey and it no longer works the way you wanted it to, how can you fix it.
Always gotta have a good back up plan!
If it’s true you can have anything you want, and we all get the same choices, with the same amount of self help resources out there, then why are so many of us so darned unhappy? What went wrong? How can we get back on track?
Maybe it’s not about that. Maybe it’s really about first deciding to focus on what we want, and how we want it, but then reviewing the stories we build up around it. I know – you’re begging for a real life example right?
FALLING IN LOVE
What a great example. Yes, you can have the perfect relationships, happy ever afters, best sex, happiest outcomes ever imagined. But it can still go horribly wrong, and whether that’s through your own fault, stupidity, or fate dealing you a savage blow, the outcomes can be recalled with brutal force, or gently and with love and kindness. It’s entirely up to you.
What’s the difference between the brutal force or the gently with love and kindness option?
- First be clear in your mind what you really do want in your relationship. How do you want that person to be, and how are you willing to step into being the person you know deserves to be loved by that particular person?
- Be clear in your communication with that person about your expectations. This covers everything from love languages, fidelity, spiritual aspects of your lives, work, parenting – up and down the generations involved in your lives – and of course sex.
- Establish your boundaries and expectations for communication.
That last rule of the game is in fact the most important one. It meams that you know going into the relationship how you are going to deal with hard topics, and what happens if you can’t resolve things easily. It means you know how far each can push on certain topics before compromise or extra help is needed.
You can apply this simple set of rules to anything. Any topic. The best reason for this is simple – it works. Let’s say you want to establish a new career path. You’d create the same set of rules. What do you want it to look like, waht are your expectations of yourself, others involved, and outcomes, and how do you set boundaries around communiction and expectations when things are going well and when things are challenging. This includes boundaries around communication with yourself. What’s your ‘pull the plug’ moment, or your exit plan going to be like?