What do women really want?

This is a question that has been joked about, aired in all kinds of forums, and even TV shows and movies have been written about what women want, starring the likes of Mel Gibson.   Well, why is it such a big deal?  Why don’t men know what women want?  And when will we stop laughing about it when the question is asked?

Let’s expand that question and consider it from a couple of fresh angles.   Because there are at least two sides to this.   Let’s just focus on the relationship angle – never mind the whole gigantic part of this question, like ‘world peace’, periods once a year that last for only a day, and children that stay cute and never turn into obstreperous teenagers.

  1. What do women want from men in a general sense – ie, what kind of husbands, what kind of lovers, what kind of providers, fathers of children, tough guy, gentle guy, ones who cook, ones who cry over sad movies, and men who can still beat up the ex-husband if necessary.
  2. What do women want in a sexual sense –  and maybe this is not even about men so much.

Let’s talk about sex for a minute.

What most men seem to think is that women will leave them to fumble around and figure us out before we’ve even worked out our own equipment properly. And a new issue to get our heads around – especially if going into a new relationship in our mid years – is that the car doesn’t always drive the same way after a few miles on the clock.

Think of it this way. Back when we were learning to drive – last century (sad but true for all of us over 40) our cars were heavier in the steering, we had to do more regular oil changes, we didn’t have much that was automatic either. Now, we get auto everything, even Blue Tooth and Wifi, not to mention advanced braking, skid control, and better lighting and wiper systems.

Our bodies are like new cars after and during menopause. So we have to figure out the dashboard properly first, before we can expect even an experienced driver behind the wheel, right?

The first thing to know about what women want is that most of us actually don’t know ourselves. But you fellas can help us be part of the solution rather than feeling like you’re having to figure it out by yourselves.   This comes back to my favorite mantra: Talk about it.

How does that work exactly?

If getting used to new ways the old equipment works, or discovering that a new driver has some new tricks, then you may need to have some in-depth and very personal conversations with each other about this.   I was talking with a friend recently whose new partner was getting hung up on how things were working out between them sexually.   I proposed to her that they both needed to let go of the expectations of how things might work and get totally into the idea that this was all new, for both of them.    Get rid of all expectations, and treat each other like freshly squeezed virgins.

Ask questions, let go of the outcomes, go exploring, and let your partner know that it’s OK to retake a driving test now that the equipment might have been upgraded a little. And yes, our bodies do get even more receptive and pleasure points often far more responsive as we grow older and take our time to find them and enjoy them more.

Offer to change the pace, to explore, and discover. That’s the first part…. Mr Loverboy, let her know you’re just as curious and eager to learn more – that’s also kinda sexy! A man who wants to know how to make things work better. Bring it on!

Ladies, it really does help if you can spend some time exploring by yourself, figuring out what you like, don’t like and knowing your way properly around your own body.  That means taking the time to really learn it.  You might also discover there are new ideas, pleasure points, and ways to stimulate those… then share that knowledge freely with your partner.  Waiting for each other to just figure it out is like assuming an Amish farmer will be able to mind read his way around a Russian space station.


For more about this, grab a copy of That Sex Book:  Maximizing Horizontal Happiness After 50.   If you’re stuck on having these conversations or working this out, then check out my mentoring options HERE. 

#thatsexbook  #horizontalhappiness  #curatingconversations